News Haiku: Issue 2, by Garth Ball

Here at The Lion’s Roar, we know you’re much too busy to pay much attention to the news. Either that, or you’re too lazy. Maybe both; it’s a thin line. In any case, here’s the quick-and-dirty version of the major U.S. and world news from the past academic quarter. In haiku form.

Iran curbs its nukes

Obama has struck a deal

Sanctions are lifted!

 

It’s HealthCare.gov!

Here to save us from illness!

Whoops, JK, site’s down.

 

Console wars are here

A battle for the ages

Which side are you on?

 

Who had a food drive?

Walmart. For their employees.

Some things make me cry.

 

Hello there, Rob Ford

No, I don’t want any drugs

Please just go away.

 

DOW hits a new high!

Sixteen-thousand, how awesome…

DOLLA DOLLA BILL (… y’all)

 

*Update*:

DOW loses its gains

Who would’ve seen it coming?

I guess not Wall Street

 

Miami Dolphins

Harassment between teammates

Is this sports culture?

 

Winter Olympics

War on gay propaganda

Against Games’ charter

 

NUCLEAR OPTION!!!

THE FILIBUSTER’S STRENGTH, GONE!

INITIATE DEATH!!!!!!!!!

Things may get done now

 

All o’er the US:

Ice and snow, except Seattle

I’m… dreaming… of… nope 🙁

 

*Update*:

EXCEPT THAT IT SNOWED TODAY, DECEMBER 20TH; I’M TOO HAPPY TO WRITE A HAIKU FOR THIS ONE.