Football and My Little Sister, by Hailey Miller
Hailey: In order to validate my theories on basketba-I mean football, I have decided to ask the resident football expert in my family some questions. Say hello to my 3rd—
Allie: Wait wait! Dad might know some more.
Hailey: No you can tell me!
Allie: I-I don’t know—
Mom: *appears out of nowhere and sits down* Just do your best.
Allie: What questions are you gonna ask?
Allie: I need to know so I know what to say.
Hailey: What is football about? Overall?
Allie: The ball.
Hailey: The ball? Okay.
Allie: Basically. And winning.
Hailey: Oh, and—
Allie: And money!
Hailey: *laughter* Alright.
Allie: Really they want to get money!
Hailey: What do people do in football?
Allie: …Some people go Beastmode… and they… make touchdowns? And field goals? And run down the field.
Hailey: Do you know how many points those give?
Allie: Oh! Uh, field goal gives 3 points, touchdown gives 6 points and after a touchdown you get, uh…one point.
Hailey: Wait, automatically? Or…?
Allie: No they have to kick a- I don’t know what it’s called. Um.
Allie: No, they have to kick that into a thingy! What is that called?
Hailey: I don’t know what it’s called.
Dad: *yelling from another room* It’s through the field goalposts.
Allie: Into the field goal thingy!
Hailey: Ok. How did you like the Superbowl?
Allie: It was awesome.
Hailey: Awesome? What was your favorite part?
Allie: When Percy Harvin could make a touchdown. That was really awesome.
Mom: How’d he do it?
Allie: *looks at my mom like she’s an idiot* You run across the field and—
Mom: No, how did Percy Harvin do it?
Allie: Oh. They kicked it off near him and it bounced along the ground and he took it and ran.
Dad: Wow you really paid attention.
Mom: He ran a long way.
Allie: Yeah! From all the ways back!
Hailey: What are your favorite Superbowl snacks?
Allie: Because that- I like Marshall Lynch the most and he goes Beastmode when he eats Skittles.
Hailey: So who did we play?
Allie: The Broncos.
Hailey: How did they do?
Hailey: Yeah? Why?
Allie: They got… 8… to 43.
Hailey: Why’d they do so bad?
Allie: Because our team [the Seahawks] is the best.
Dad: Can you remember out quarterback’s name?
Allie: Russell Wilson.
Dad: The coach?
Allie: Oh no…um… Pete Carroll.
Hailey: How do you knows these things?
Allie: ‘Cuz I really like our team and I watch every single football game. O-on their team.
Mom: This is a hard one: do you remember who got MVP?
Allie: Yes. Um. Something stick. Uh. Not stick. I know it starts with an “s”.
Hailey: Okay, well-
Allie: SANDWICH! *giggles* No, I don’t know.
Dad: Do you remember how we scored our first points?
Allie: Oh yeah, the Payton guy wasn’t ready for the hike and he was like what? What? I’m so tall and stuff. Wait no, what? Aaaaaaaaah!… And then we got points ‘cuz it went over his shoulder.
Dad: Do you know what that’s called?
Hailey: Guys I don’t even know the answers to what you’re asking—
Dad: Do you know how many points we got for it?
Mom: Do you know any other players?
Mom: Know any players from the Legion of Boom?
Hailey: So specific. Mom, I don’t even know what that is.
Allie: I only know our team and one guy from the Bronco’s. And he’s the quarterback.
Hailey: Wait what team is Matt Hasselbeck on again? Because I—
Mom: He’s not on either team.
Hailey: He’s not on either team? He’s-he’s not even ON?
Mom and Allie: No.
Hailey: HE WASN’T ON EITHER?
Hailey: Like he’s not even a Bronco’s or- no?
Allie: I think he’s on, um, Indianapolis.
Dad: Wait who?
Hailey: Matt Hasselbeck. He’s like the only guy I know.
Dad: Well he used to be our quarterback.
Hailey: HA! I knew something!
Mom: *laughs* What’s that guy, Richard—
Mom: He’s part of the Legion of Boom.
Hailey: I still don’t know what that is. Would you care to explain?
Dad: Do they have any people who are deaf on our team?
Hailey: Is this even my interview anymore?
Allie: Yes. One guy.
Mom: What’s his name?
Mom: No. It’s Cole… Cole…
Hailey: What about—
Dad: Is there anything special going on?
Allie: There’s a parade soon and I really wanna go really badly and Dad says that Mom and Dad were thinking about it. I got the Marshawn Lynch jersey. His number is 24.
Dad: Do you know what position he plays?
Allie: Running back?
Hailey: Yeah we got it right!
Hailey: What do you mean “no”?
Dad: Those aren’t the same thing.
Allie: Runningback you are on defense and you go running up the field.
Dad: Do you mean offense?
Allie: Yeah offense.
Mom: Does the quarterback throw the ball to the running back?
Allie: He hands it to him and then runs.
Mom: When people throw the ball who do they throw it to?
Allie: ??? What do you mean?
Mom: When Russell Wilson throws the ball who does he throw it to?
Allie: He throws it to any player! Not the other team though.
Hailey: Thanks for answering the questions Allie. Is there anything else you would like to say?
Allie: I want to be asked more questions.